April Fools Staffing Page 2013

Drew – He can see in total darkness thanks to a dark pact made several years ago…this also left him with webbed toes, though.

Lee – Even after twenty years of medical school, he learned more life-saving techniques from watching episodes Quincy & E.R.

Angel – Spent her summers in the north, making up new words for snow and teaching them to eskimos.

Kelsey  – Born and raised in a traveling circus, she’s deadly accurate with throwing knives and can juggle chainsaws with her one good arm.

Matthew  – According to the police file, he has an evil twin. Paradoxically, the twin has the same thing in his file.

Jason– His parents left him to be raised by wolves. The wolves, in turn, left him to be raised by gorillas. The gorillas passed him onto cows, and so on….long story short: he was raised by dung beetles.

Rob – Every morning he wakes up ready to chew bubble gum and kick butt, and then promptly hits the snooze button to get five more minutes sleep.

Renzo  – Born in 1808, he started aging backwards once he reached his 90th birthday and has been baffling science by yoyo-ing back and forth in age ever since.

 Kris – He came. He saw. He conquered. He bought the t-shirt. He got the wrong size, though, and he lost the receipt.

Chris  – Once overdosed on Marshmallow Peeps, but from this has gained the ability to communicate with any candy-shaped animals.

Aaron –  Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Malia  – They say she done ’em in. They say she done it with an axe.