April Fools Staffing Page 2015

Drew – Drew has been labeled ‘Vector Zero’ by scientists after giving infectious diseases to mosquitoes.

Angel – Angel is preparing for any eventual apocalypse by saving just the marshmallows from boxes of Lucky Charms. It’s not a very good plan, but it’s still a plan.

Jason – Jason found out the hard way that the saying ‘When in doubt, hug it out’ doesn’t apply in a court of law.

Aaron – Ever have just one sock go missing? You can blame Aaron, the self-appointed ‘King of the Sock Puppets’.

Tim – Tim worked 7 years in a coal mine in the 1930s, teaching the canaries new songs to sing.

Ben – Ben is famous for saying ‘With great power, comes a free toaster’. No one really knows why.

Rob – Rob earned his riches in 1914 on the Vaudeville circuit as a ventriloquist until it was discovered he was just working with an angry midget.

Big Papi – Renzo toured with a dixieland jazz band until 1922, when a trombone injury forced retirement.

Candace – Candace’s hair went permanently stark white and she never spoke another word after finding out what is really in the McRib.

Kayla – If Kayla sees her own shadow, it means four more weeks of winter…if she doesn’t, then it means four weeks of toads raining from the skies.

Kathryne – Kat was elected to general congress in Antarctica on a platform of greater rights for penguins. Many suspect voter fraud.

Sean – Sean was awarded the Medal of Honor when he was only 12. It was a very rough cub scout camping trip.

Keni – Keni always puts holes in his pockets, just in case he comes across anyone in need of a hole or two.

Chris – Chris will dress as a clown to crash children’s parties just to steal birthday cakes to resell on the black market.

Amanda – Amanda spent four months in a Soviet gulag (as a interior decorating consultant).

Kris – Kris is constantly growing new sets of teeth to replace ones lost in feeding frenzies.

…and now, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for the Online Sales Department!